i have evil and murderous thoughts about my cat. not all of the time. but still, often enough.

every morning, as if on cue, The Cat begins a crying routine directly outside my bedroom door approximately 10 minutes before my alarm sounds. i have tried hollering at The Cat in the ugliest voice i can muster (which is not difficult to accomplish at 5:45 a.m.), i have tried squirt bottles, nay i have chased The Cat around the house in my skivvies like one who is sadistic, if not mentally ill. and all of this to no avail. not even the slightest dent in MPM (meows per minute).

if only The Cat would would pick a particular pitch and meow consistently perhaps i could drown her out, as one would a droning vacuum cleaner or even a buzzing alarm clock! but The Cat insists on randomly, yet regularly modulating both the pitch and volume of the meows, making it virtually impossible to ignore. it is at this point every morning where i slip into a semi-conscious state and imagine myself strangling The Cat or perhaps launching The Cat down the stairs like a heat-seeking missile.