do you remember the Coast soap commercials of the 80’s? they always started off with a shot of a man (eyes closed) sudsing up in the shower. as perfectly round beads of refreshing water would trickle down his smooth-shaven face, he would raise the bar of Coast to his nose, inhale deeply, and open his eyes wide in a smile of pure delight.

Coast, the scent opens your eyes
Coast lather and you re-uh-liiiiiiii-ah-ii-iize
That Coast is the waaay to make you feel aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive
Coast, feel ALIVE with Coast!

at the time when these commercials aired, i was still young enough (and naïve enough) to believe that there was truth in advertising. being the polar opposite of a Morning Person, i always struggled (to put it mildly) to get up and get going. every morning my mother would coerce me out of bed and i would trudge to the shower in a pitiful attempt to induce consciousness. remembering the commercials, i would fumble about until i located the soap (eyes still closed), lift the bar toward my face, and practically snort it. at this point, i re-uh-liiiiiiii-ah-ii-iized that the Coast people were big fat liars.