one of murphy's lesser known laws: if the battery in a carbon monoxide detector (or smoke detector) is going to go out, it will do so in the middle of the night.

CHIRP!

why are my eyes open? i'm not hot and i don't need to pee...

CHIRP!

what was that? i must have one of those weird snoop bugs in the house (envisioning something along the lines of a praying mantis hanging from my ceiling).

CHIRP!

snoop bug? what the...? come on, lucid thoughts!

CHIRP!

ooh...i bet it's one of the detectors. did i turn the oven off last night? what if there's gas in the house? what if me and my roommates die peacefully in our sleep?

CHIRP!

surely i turned off the oven. maybe i can ignore it.

CHIRP!

okay, maybe not.

at this point i clamber out of bed and into the hallway. i'm relieved to find the "battery" light flashing instead of the "you're currently inhaling noxious gasses" light. it takes me a few minutes to figure out how to get the unit off of the wall and extract the battery, but finally i do and all is quiet on the western front. too bad it's 4:53 am and i'm wide awake.