i like halloween because it's a great excuse for me to buy lots of candy. nevermind that i don't answer the door for trick-or-treaters. candy is personal to me; it is not meant for sharing. should i find myself home on a halloween eve, i turn off the lights, sit quietly in the dark and carefully unwrap my sugary treasures. wearing a costume is totally optional.

whoever invented twix is a genious. i like to eat it in sections: first i remove the top layer of chocolate and caramel, then i nibble off the chocolate edges to reveal the shortbread-like cookie bar beneath. the cookie is home to uniformly spaced holes, of which i have never understood the importance, but enjoy all the same. it's like eating a rollo, then a tiny hershey bar, and finally a cookie. no trick here, my friend. it's all treat.