let me help you with that

I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to pick up a copy of Oil (Half-Price didn't have any copies, which turned out to be doubly unfortunate on this occasion).

I stood in a long checkout line and placed mental bets on which of the two cashiers I would win. I won Patricia. She was an older lady with a too-tight pony tail that made her need to smile constantly lest her eyes water from the pull. She also was coughing a lot and never once covered her mouth, which is the crux of this story.

I approached Patricia and we exchanged the normal banter. I handed her my book and the rest of the transaction went like this:


Pat: Ooooh, Oil! I wish I had some of that!
Me: [Polite chuckle]
Pat: Ahhhuack Ack Ack [coughing into open space - my space]
Pat: Would you like to become a B&N member? You could save 10% of AAAAHHHHUUAAK, excuse me, your purchase today.
Me: No, thank you.
Pat: [Tears off receipt and starts to hand it to me trying to explain something on the receipt but couldn't complete her sentence because she was busy coughing ON me.
Me: [Slowly leaning back.]
Pat: I'm sorry. I just had a sandwich and there's a piece of it stuck in my throat.
Me:
Me:
Me: I don't need a bag.
Pat: Well you really are easy.